And Now for Something Completely Different
I hope you had a wonderful New Years, dear reader. I hope your 2025 is a year of good luck, fortune, and happiness. I really do appreciate all of you who read my humble little blog. I hope that you’ve learned a little bit about the NBA, life, and, more importantly, yourself.
Today’s blog is a small one - just a few items that I feel need to be addressed by society as a whole. Now that I’m at the top of the game, I feel like I need to use my widespread influence to change the world for the better. With great power comes great responsibility, as Spider-Man likes to remind us. Anyway, you guys all think I’m a hero and I’ll accept that responsibility.
So buckle up, dear reader, as I fix the world, one Wrant at a time.
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Walker’s Wrants Presents:
A True Wrant
Today is January 5th and I have one request for my neighbors:
STOP POPPING YOUR FIREWORKS AT MIDNIGHT!
Some of us have work in the morning! Speaking of work in the morning, can people please stop using the drive thru to get Burger King for the ENTIRE office? It’s FAST FOOD. If you want to order a bunch of food that will take 30 minutes to prepare then GO INSIDE! I’m getting three french toast sticks and a Coke Zero. I am at the window for 2 seconds. That’s the purpose of a drive thru. To be quick. Not to place 50 different orders with 30 different credit cards.
What happened to common courtesy? Oh, and by the way, the blinkers on a car aren’t just decorative. They serve a purpose. I’m not just using them to light up your life. Either speed up or slow down, I don’t care, but GIVE ME ROOM TO MERGE!
I cannot wait until teleporter pads are invented. The morning commute is the scourge of humanity.
And now for something completely different:
This week, HBO canceled one of my Weekly Wrecommendations, ‘The Franchise’ - a hilarious satire of the movie making industry. Earlier this year, Disney+ cancelled The Acolyte, a show that explores the dangers of the strict dogma of the Jedi.
I’m sick and tired of studios giving up on shows after one season. It almost seems that the entertainment industry is designed to stifle creativity. I understand the economics behind the
decisions, but PLEASE give these shows time to find their footing. Historically, many successful shows had shaky first seasons. Seinfeld, Star Trek: The Next Generation, The Office - all of these iconic shows had rough starts, but the networks stuck with them all the same. Now all of them are absolute classics.
If NBC handled The Office the way shows are handled today, then none of us would be saying “that’s what she said” after the vaguest of innuendos. Ok, maybe that wouldn’t be so bad, but the point still stands.
And now for something completely different:
My last bit of Wranting comes from the wide world of sports.
Dear reader, you know how much I love my Rockets and the NBA as a whole. However, the NBA currently has a viewership crisis and the league keeps asking why. I’LL TELL YOU WHY ADAM SILVER!
The first and most egregious problem is the fact that it is almost impossible to watch every game. Let’s talk about NBA League pass, a service that advertises the ability to watch any NBA game, anywhere. Sounds like a dream!
Except for this little caveat:
Blackout restrictions include your local NBA team(s) and all nationally televised games.
EXCUSE ME?! In case you don’t understand, dear reader, what this is telling us is that if you buy a league pass subscription, you cannot watch your local team! THEN WHAT IS THE POINT? Ok, so I’ll just get FuboTV right? Until the Rockets play on TNT, which is not on Fubo. Ok, so now I have to pay 150 bucks a month to get cable just to use 2 channels.
Please NBA, make it easier to watch games. I will pay for a service that lets me just watch the Rockets and I know that many NBA fans are in the same boat. You want to know the real reason viewership is down? A lot of people would rather stream the game illegally than pay the ridiculous amounts of money required to view the game above board.
Another reason the viewership is down is the fact that an NBA game never starts at the correct time. The Rockets vs Lakers game is supposed to start at 6 PM tonight. I am willing to bet that if I tune in at 6:10, the game will not have started yet.
In addition to all of that, the discourse around the NBA is complete garbage. I spent all of Christmas Day watching Stephen A. Smith incoherently scream about the New York Knicks. Even TNT’s ‘Inside the NBA’, my favorite halftime show, has become more about quippy one liners than actual NBA analysis.
Adam, it’s easy. 3 steps:
Affordability
Punctuality
Real Analysis
That’s all you need to fix the viewership crisis. If this Wrant didn’t help you, then you can hire me.
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Now that I have presented the most pressing issues that society is currently facing, I expect the world to start coming together in some form of harmony. No need to thank me.
Walker’s Weekly Wrecommendations
Each week I’m gonna review and recommend random things - TV shows, music, or a restaurant. IDK. Whatever I feel like. This is my blog.
This week's Triple W is Elevation Pictures “Blackberry” starring Glenn Howerton and Jay Baruchel. This biopic follows the story of Mike Lazaridis (Baruchel) as he tries to change the world of communication by combining cell phones with computers in a handheld device. Businessman Jim Balsillie (Howerton) invests in Lazaridis’ device and the titular Blackberry is born. Blackberry takes you through the entire story of the revolutionary technology, with stand out performances from Howerton and Baruchel.
NEXT WEEK: Walker’s Wranting’s presents “A Top Ten List”. Of what? It’s a surprise!