An Open Letter to the Parents of Youth Sports

Dear Parents,

I have spent a large part of my life on fields and courts as an umpire and referee. I have worked games at different levels, dealt with great coaches and difficult coaches, and heard just about everything imaginable from the stands. After all those years, there is one thing I wish every parent would remember when they arrive at a youth sporting event: this game is not about us. It is about the kids.

I understand being passionate. I understand wanting your son or daughter to succeed. I am a parent too, and I know how easy it is to become emotionally invested when your child is competing. But there is a difference between supporting your child and trying to control their game from the stands. When parents yell instructions after every play, criticize mistakes, or scream at officials, it puts additional pressure on kids who are supposed to be learning and enjoying the game.

I can also tell you from experience that every official is going to miss a call. I know I have. There is not an umpire or referee anywhere who has worked a perfect game. We make decisions in seconds, often while running and trying to see several things happening at once. Players make mistakes. Coaches make mistakes. Officials make mistakes. That is sports. Screaming at an official from the stands does not change the call, and I have never seen a parent yell at an official enough to suddenly make that official better.

What concerns me even more is how adults treat young officials. I have watched teenagers put on a referee or umpire uniform for the first time, nervous but excited to earn some money and be part of the sport they love. Then a grown adult starts screaming at them because of a call in a game involving 10-year-olds. Think about that for a moment. If that were your teenager being yelled at by a 40-year-old adult, would you be okay with it? We constantly talk about the shortage of officials, but then we allow young officials to be treated in a way that makes them never want to come back.

One of the greatest things sports can teach young people is how to deal with adversity. Sometimes the call is going to go against your child. Sometimes they are going to strike out, miss the shot, drop the pass, or commit the foul. Instead of immediately blaming someone else, teach them to keep playing. Some of the best words a parent can yell from the stands are simply, “Keep going!” “You’ve got this!” and “Great effort!” Those are the things kids need to hear.

And when the game ends, please remember that the ride home does not have to become a postgame press conference. You do not have to analyze every mistake, every coaching decision, and every call you disagreed with. Ask your child a much simpler question: “Did you have fun?” Tell them you loved watching them play. There will come a day when there are no more uniforms to wash, no more practices to drive to, and no more Saturday mornings spent sitting in the bleachers. You may miss these days more than you realize.

After all my years wearing the stripes and standing behind the plate, I still believe youth sports can be one of the greatest experiences a child can have. But the adults have to do their part. Cheer loudly. Support your kids. Encourage their teammates. Respect their coaches. And please, respect the officials who show up so your kids can have a game. Let the players play. Let the coaches coach. Let the officials officiate. And let the kids be kids. That is what youth sports should always be about.

Sincerely,

A 34 year referee & umpire in the Sacramento, CA area.